How to raise a Tiny Human Being?
My father was a Central Government Employee and as a result, we moved a lot. I have studied in 3 different schools in my lifetime and made dozens of friends I guess from every state of India if that’s possible. And consequently, I started loving this nomad lifestyle and exploring different places on the earth.
Then life changed and I got my son and this lifestyle doesn’t make any sense. More than ever I miss my parents and a sense of community. Every decision we make revolves around the tiny human being we created. And then I stumbled over an African saying:
“It takes a village to raise a child.”
Before my child, if I would have stumbled upon this saying I would have straight away ignored it but now when I speak with other moms or self- introspect I realize we constantly need family support or community support to raise a child.
We have all gone a long way from our homes to build our careers and make us beautiful homes in a far-away land with promising future absorbing a new lifestyle and culture but when you have a child or two you always want to go back to your roots.
Now don’t get me wrong we do have a bunch and community of friends (both non-parents and parents) but sometimes I feel is that enough or isn’t he missing out on the love and affection from his grand-parents and community. And this is how almost all the millennial parents feel today. We are creating a generation that has no knowledge of our history and too scared to talk about the future.
And let me tell you something, without historical data input there can be no successful futuristic output. That is true for machines as well as humans.
There is a limit to what parents can teach their children or provide for them. True evolution happens when a child is exposed to different thoughts, styles, enemies, crushes, adversities.
In the perspective of evolutionary biology, Homo Sapiens are neotenic and intensely social animals.
So by definition, our development is very slow or delayed, in layman’s language we remain “baby-like” for a much longer time than other animals. We are just tribal animals and there is no fully formed person under the age of forty (LOL).
Time to quote another of African saying which goes like this:
“Whatever your Parents don’t teach you, will be taught by the world.”
For women who are working it’s so much easier to trust your child with grand-parents rather than with some stranger who seems eligible because of some degree or experience. Every woman leaves a part of her heart or soul whenever she walks out from the door in the morning for her office/business.
I would be lying to myself if I say I haven’t thought every other second of how great it would have been if my child would have been able to experience the love and support from his grandparents and I miss the village who could support me in raising my child. But so is the case for many in this urban life…
And particularly in this age and time when women are expected to shatter the glass ceilings and constantly support their family and earn an awesome salary as well.
We are constantly juggling between family and business and it’s not good to talk about it because that would mean that I am ungrateful for the life that I have made for myself or the choices I have made which made that life.
Ladies relax! Because first of all this is the scenario for almost all of us. Sure our parents had a more privileged childhood – surrounded by all the family members, cousins, neighbors helping out each other, and today we live in a community where you are not even sure who lives next door. But it is your responsibility to find like-minded people and make a small community of yours wherein your child can learn to strive, share, love, and pray.
So that means:
“It sure takes a village to raise a child but what happens when there are no villagers?”
This is the truth for most of us today and the answer is simple and as above-mentioned, if we want to have our child an overall development then we need to find time in our busy lives and make ourselves that community.
I have been so fortunate to find some like-minded and friendly moms who have been a constant support in my motherhood journey and if I can find that kind of peace just by talking it out then so can you.
Signing off for now, please comment and let me know your views.
Merrin is a SAHM, a mother of a highly energetic boy and we live in the city of World’s Tallest Skyscraper. Every child is different but as parents, our struggles are very much similar. So let’s share our stories with each other and enjoy the joyful ride.
I hope through this we can share laughter, empowerment and more experiences with each other.