5 Parenting tips to ignore – outdating parenting advice
Parenting can be daunting especially for new moms and dads and certainly there is no one size fits all strategy. I was the youngest in the family which means I had never seen an actual baby let alone take care of it – cousins and everyone are there sure but you play with them for some time and give it back when it gets down to business.
So naturally I would run to my Mom for everything and anything when my son came along. Because, you know, of course she has already raised two kids and done a pretty good job (we are still breathing YAY).
But the times have changed – so much has changed that we now live in a world where we ourselves are teaching our kids not to share their food or toys with their friends while just 3 months back we were trying to push them in that park to make some friends by sharing cookies/ have heartfelt handshakes and hugs / play in the mud and share toys.
So probably with this big change certainly there are some outdated parenting advice which are downright wrong and needs no passing down to the future generation, let’s go through them and put an end to these advices:
- Praising your kids too much :
Thanks to Social Media – our millennial and the internet generation kids have a pretty good self-esteem and I think we need to take it down a notch. I see all the time parents praising their kids unnecessarily, don’t get me wrong – Praising does have very good benefits but in a limit. Kids already develop a high self-esteem due to social media without even achieving anything and feel pretty good about themselves.
Parents should show the mirror to the child or the real world is going to crush your child’s dreams. In real world, you do not get validations and approvals from everyone and we need to talk to our children about how it is futile to run behind some alpha leader who happens to “have-it-all” or some superficial life just because everyone is doing the same thing .Teach them to choose their own path to happiness and find what excites them.
- Self –defense:
There is a saying “It takes a village to raise a child”. Please check out my post here on how daunting it can be for parents who are living an urban life with no joint families and very less time in hand for parenting.
In earlier days, kids were growing up in joint families and there was always someone either from the family or neighbor who was keeping an eye on what the child is doing (not denying the fact that still accidents and unfortunate incidents happened in those times as well but proportionately it has grown a lot). Whether it be a boy or a girl in today’s world every child needs self-defense lessons and should know how to protect themselves if a predator attacks. Predators can be inside from our families as well. Teach few basic lessons to your child as to how its not ok to sit on anybody’s lap for long time or anybody touching inappropriately or undressing when a parent is not present in front of a stranger.
However busy you are in your life, child abuse should not be ignored. These are little delicate flowers and anybody meddling with their innocence should be punished.
God has bestowed kids with a beautiful gift and that is their voice – ask them to scream as much as loud they can if something feels not right.
Set a family password. Ask your child to demand a family password to the people who claim to be sent by Parents for picking up. “Anything fishy, raise your voice and run as fast as you can”.
- Rigorous baby massages:
I am a person who is all in for baby massages. It has tremendous benefits and there are people with deep inside knowledge and secrets of herbs and oils and their right proportions and the right way to massage, of course. It is very imperative to do the baby massage the right way because all our organs are in certain harmony with each other and pressing a wrong nerve or muscle might not be good for your baby.
That’s why many people hire such therapists or masseuses who are familiar with the old tradition and knowledgeable enough to replicate it.
There are a lot of mothers who do this , I personally felt comfortable in first observing and learning it and once my kid was 3 months old , since then I have been giving him the massages.
So as mentioned before, if done in a wrong and rigorous manner these massages can do more harm than benefit and our child is so tiny it won’t be able to let you know it.
So, have a firm but light touch on their skin.
- Too Much sharing or Infection Transmission?
Remember the days when our mothers used to keep yelling us to share our toys and food with our friends or cousins. When now with this pandemic around the world I think we can take it down a notch and teach our children to eat from their own plate, eat in solitude- playing from a distance and no handshakes or hugs.
Don’t get me wrong – I am all in for friends for life and stuff but with covid-19 around I cannot risk my child to have health issues so for now at least my best bet would be to teach him to stay away from anything and everyone and this shall be for the betterment of everyone and not just him.
- Participation Trophies/ Gender Roles:
Using phrases like “boys will be boys” or “at least he showed up” is not a very good parenting style.
In today’s world Girls and Boys should be equally competitive and unlike earlier times boys do need to learn how to do the house chores and be equally hardworking and responsible as girls in the house.
Do not have 2 separate rules for boys and girls. Now the world has changed a lot and both are equally responsible for their success or failure.
With the social media influence in the data driven world , the world has changed a lot and old and outdating parenting style is not going to keep us up. In order to better understand our children we need to take a different path than our parents and try to see the world through the eyes of our child.
We need to connect to them first before correcting them and be a constant reminder that we got their back!
Hope you liked my article, please do comment and let me know.
Merrin is a SAHM, a mother of a highly energetic boy and we live in the city of World’s Tallest Skyscraper. Every child is different but as parents, our struggles are very much similar. So let’s share our stories with each other and enjoy the joyful ride.
I hope through this we can share laughter, empowerment and more experiences with each other.